A Quick Explanation

Today post is going to be one short ramble of everything that I've been thinking over the past couple of days, because I think that its important to just spill out everything that's going on in your head, whether it be speaking it out loud or writing it down like this (we all know everything sounds better when I write it than when I actually speak it out loud.)

I really debated about whether this was a post that I thought should be published or not, I mean it's pretty personal and rambly. However this is the kind of post that would have been posted when I first started this blog, so why not go back to it now? This is, and will always be a personal blog, where I get to post content that I want to post.

The past week has been a pretty shit week for me, not that anything particularly bad has happened, its just been one of those times when absolutely everything catches up to you and you don't know how to deal with it. Whenever I talk about depression, I say that it comes in waves, at least for me anyway. I don't have a consistent bad time, or a consistent good time, its like a heartbeat, up and down constantly. The last few weeks for whatever reason I've hit a pretty big low if I'm being honest, this week being one of the worst I would say.
Since I started year twelve I had never hit the point (again) of being so unmotivated and unhappy that I had taken to my bed for most of the day. Until this week that was. Parts of this could have been because, you know I don't have a 9-5 job anymore to keep me busy and away from my bed. I've also spent the large majority of the last few weeks alone and that has probably contributed to being so unhappy.
When I say I've taken to my bed I mean that quite literally, I will go to work for a two maybe three hours a day, because that's all that's required of me at the moment, I get up to take my sisters/brother to school in the morning two days a week and then pick them up that afternoon, but other than that you can probably find me in the bed, or on the mattress in the lounge room, cuddled up by myself watching re-runs of Friends. I've even slacked off with things around the house, I only wash the clothes when I really have too, ie. when Brodie has no work clothes left, I've hardly cooked a decent dinner this week, the house is probably a mess, I try not to look at it.
For some reason, it was this morning that I hit the turning point I had been waiting for, I got out of bed, I did the school run and I came to work, and for the first time in a few weeks I haven't been longing for my bed, I don't feel as shit as usual and I'm doing okay today. Will this last? Let's find out I guess.

I wanted to also use this post as kind of an explanation as to why there have been very little posts lately. Simply, I have no motivation to write posts and I don't want to force myself into doing it, because writing is something I love doing and I think if i force myself to write posts every day, I'm going to start really hating it and seeing it more as something I do because I feel like I have to and less of something I do because I want to.

I do have a few ideas planned out for future blog posts which I'm excited about, but for now I need to chill out and have some time to figure out whats going on with my head and give myself some time to get back to normal.

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