Some Things I Just Don't Understand

There are many things in life that I don't understand, people being one of those thing and anything to do with mathematics another of them. Are there things that I don't understand but will profusely pretend that I do in order to not look silly? Heck yes there is. But now, I am going to come clean with a list of things that I absolutely have no understanding of, honesty is the best policy.. isn't it?

*deep breath* here goes... The things in life I just cannot understand.

PS. don't judge me thank you very much.
  • How to drive a manual car.


God, how often do I get laughed at for this one. Yes my license says "automatic only" but damn, how many cars are actually being released as manual these days? NOT MANY because we as humans are lazy and I am a lazy driver. This one also comes down to no one being willing to teach me. I have quite the reputation of being a impatient and having a quick temper, would you want to be teaching me? Brodie did try once and wouldn't let me drive his care again, enough said. 

  • Girls
I may be a girl by genitalia however that has not awarded me in the power of understanding my own sub species. There are so many things that girls to that just completely blow my freakin' mind. For instance when a girl one asks girl two where her outfit is from, why does girl two say she can't remember when she probably can remember because she literally brought it yesterday OR just has to look at the tag? WHY. What about when we constantly say "I'm fine" when we clearly aren't fine, why do we do that? Why the hell do we not just say "I'm mad because you ate my last ice-cream I had tried to hide from you in the freezer." WHY?

  • Boys.
In the same token that I don't understand girls, I have absolutely NO idea about guys- absolutely none. I think these ones stump me more than the opposite gender. Like, why is a car making a loud noise so appealing to you? Quite frankly it hurts my ears a little bit. Or why is the washing machine a foreign country you are yet to visit? Why is it a constant competition over who has a bigger penis? Imagine if girls went around saying "my vagina is bigger than yours, HA HA." 

  • How to change a tyre.  
Granted, this should probably have been the first thing I learnt when I got my own car and I have been taught- but it's not like I need to change a tire every hour of the day and practice makes perfect right, so yep I have absolutely no idea. Challenge for 2018- learn how to change a tyre, will do.

  • How to act around babies. 
I am at the age where everyone I know is starting to have babies and IT IS TROUBLING ME because I have absolutely no clue how to act around babies and their parents who are expecting you to coo at them appropriately. Given that I have five younger siblings one would assume I had some experience with newborns- and I do, an experience of thinking "God another one, didn't we just get the last one to shut up?" and retreating slowly as to make no sudden movements. 

  • How to deal with sassy pre-teens. 
In the same way as above- I have absolutely no sense of how to deal with kids that aren't toddlers, but aren't teenagers. I mean they have attitude but they're also sensitive little petals so you can't retort to their bitchiness with more bitchiness or they will probably cry and make you look like even worse of a person. So instead I stand there with a surprised-yet-shocked, leave the me the hell alone kind of look on my face and hope their very few years of life has equipped them with the knowledge that I am not impressed. At all. 

  • How not to cry over movies and TV. 
God, yes okay I know it is not real and I know that the person isn't really dead in real life but HELL I am invested in this and I will cry if I damn want to. I will cry over anything these days, man I cried over Kylie Jenner's "I had a baby" announcement video and I truly didn't actually care if she was pregnant or not. Whats more- I don't understand people who DON'T cry over sad movies, how can you sit there and not even shed a tear in Marley and Me, or Titanic or The Fault In Our Stars- how?! Robotic people I tell ya.

  • People who slut shame. 
God, this one is the absolute worst. WHY, OH WHY is it such a bad thing to have sex? It is natural isn't it? It's how we reproduce, yes? Damn I don't see any bonobos (chimpanzee type things) who are well known to have many sexual partners out here being shamed for having a little fun. And slut shaming for what you wear? ie. short skirt = slut. LET PEOPLE HAVE SEX, LET THEM WEAR SHORT SKIRTS IF THEY WANT TOO GOD DAMN. 

  • People who can function off very little sleep.
It is a complete mystery to me- how one person can survive off like four to five hours sleep a night and I can barely open my eyes after lets say, seven. I am in awe of people who can live like this, however sadly I can not see myself ever joining your ranks, my apologies.

  • Giant Toblerone.
Are they really the superior chocolate that they must be supersized and sold in every airport ever? Can anyone really eat the whole chocolate- even over a few days? Do people really look at these giant chocolate bars and think "oh yes my friend Jen will loveeee this!" ? Do people actually receive these and think "oh heck yes, just what I wanted all my life!". If you are nodding your head yes as you read this, I call bullshit because no ones wants nor needs an extravagant and over priced Toblerone bar in their life, no one. 

Okay I need to cut this off right here or we will be here for eternity trying to figure out if I actually do understand anything in this life or I just sit there simply questioning everything ever. The latter is probably more true than I care to admit. Until next time.


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