"The People Detox" | Leaving Negativity Behind

Today I want to chat a bit about negative people and how they affect you and your vibe, because I'll be honest I have been having a bit of a detox from people lately, for like a few months now. Kind of distancing myself from anyone I felt I needed a little bit of time away from, for a few different reasons. Obviously, in case anyone that I know personally reads this and thinks "oh she's distancing herself from me", don't get offended but I probably am if you think I am, you know what I am saying? No but seriously I have done this for my health and how I feel, I still love the people, I just don't see them as much as I usually would have.

So basically my "people detox" was unintentional at first. To begin with it was just me not having the motivation or the patience to deal with some of the stuff that was going on. It was once I realised what I was doing and how it was making me feel that I decided I was going to continue with it, therefore giving it a name 'the people detox". I wanted to keep feeling the way that I was at that time, I was feeling really good within myself, I felt happier, and I had cut back on alcohol and unhealthy habits which was something that I was really keen to do, but always struggled to have self control around the people I was hanging around with.

Once upon a time I would never have though of cutting these people from my life, I considered them my family and I would have done anything for them. Some shit happened, other people joined, people left, arguments, whatever happened. Suddenly the family wasn't a family anymore, it was more of just this negative space where everyone would get together and all be pulled down. It took me a while to realise that this was happening because these people are my friends so I never wanted to think anything negative towards them. There was no breaking point for me, I was actually just trying to think of a breaking point but I don't think there was one. I think I just realised you know, this is a becoming a very negative space to be in, I've got my own shit to deal with and I don't need this to be dragging me down further when I'm already trying to claw myself back up.

I just want to talk about how you can distance from people you feel you need to take a break from and how you can recognise the people that are bringing you down. If you're in a negative space constantly, obviously that is going to start impacting on you and your vibe as well as your health. I am here to say it is perfectly okay to give yourself a break from negative people to take care of yourself because you should be putting yourself first, having a little bit of self love can go a long way. If that means having a little bit of a time out then that is what you have to do and you shouldn't have to make any apoligies for it.

Obviously I am not here to tell you that your friends are bad for you, because I don't know your friends, I am here to give you a realm of information to help you make that decision for yourself thinking about your health and your happiness and what you want.

I did a bit of Googling to get some characteristics of negative people, because while I know what the negative people around me look like, it might be different for you and they might have different characteristics. These are some of the most common ones that came up in the articles and stories that I looked at.

  • Selfish or self absorbed. There is a very fine line between being a person who practices self love and a person who is selfish and it very easy to cross that line. If you're hanging out with someone who constantly wants to talk about themselves or about their problems, which is fine, but they need to be able to switch into your position and allow you to have your time to vent should you need it. You need to have a relationship that is a bit of give and a bit of take, one sided relationships and friendships will destroy you on the inside. 
  • The need to be right, even when they are wrong. Negative people hate to be wrong, even when they realise that they are wrong- the still won't admit it. Not only that, they'll constantly try and prove that they're right and close off to other peoples opinions that don't line up with theirs. Its like every conversation that is had, turns into a competition of who is right and who is wrong even if there is nothing to be right or wrong about.
  • Liar. I don't like using the word liar, because I think that sometimes people say things that in their heart they truly believe or have forced themselves to believe. However, I think if every second thing that comes out of someones mouth makes you think "hmm hold on, should I be taking this with a grain of salt?" that's unhealthy. Even when people make slight alterations in stories or "forgetting" to tell one crucial fact that could have broken the story, that is just a negative energy that you don't need. 
  • They struggle to say nice things about other people. This includes gossiping, everyone loves a good gossip I know that, but I have realised how bloody unhealthy it is to be so invested in other peoples lives that you feel the need to gossip about it. I was bad for this, I liked to know all the drama, but lately I just cannot be bothered with knowing the ins and outs of everyone lives, or who is bitching about who- I mean every once in a while I might say something bitchy to Brodie or to my Mum but otherwise I just don't really care. So, someone who is that person who knows everyone business and likes to broadcast it and add in their opinions, that shit is negative and will drag you down.  
  • Surrounded by drama. By this one I mean that they ALWAYS seems to have some kind of crisis or conflict going on in their lives, there is never just a chill moment when everything is peaceful, there is always something going on. I can't live like that, I am a person who likes shit to be simple and me to be cool, calm and collected. I noticed that when I was around a lot of drama my anxiety got worse and I was on edge a lot, drama is bad for you. 
There is obviously millions of characteristics that someone could have being a negative person, but these are just a few that made me think "ah ha sister, I hear ya!" 

To finish off, I want to touch on how shitty you're going to feel at the beginning of distancing yourself from people- because you are and they're probably going to feel shitty too. To help both of you, you need to stick to it for a while. My detox is still kind of going, but I have had my two-ish months away and I feel good, good enough that I have those people in my life again but I know my limits and I recognise when its just getting too much and I need to go home. I think that was what I needed, time to realise within myself that shit isn't healthy and to be able to recognise when I'm crossing to other side. 

If I am going to leave you with anything, just remember that just because you read about it in a blog post doesn't mean that its what you have to do- I would never tell you to distance yourself from your friends if the friendship is healthy and happy, remember that.