Depression Is..

Because it's hard to understand what depression feels like if you haven't felt it yourself.

Last week I was chatting to a Mum who was telling me her teenage daughter had been diagnosed with depression but never having experienced it herself, she was struggling to comprehend what her daughter was going through. I get that, if you have never been depressed before it is so difficult to understand what is going on in someone else's head. So, I thought this post would be a bit of an elaboration of the message that I replied to this mum and I hope that it helps a few people to have a bit more of an understanding of depression.

  • Depression is not sadness. Sadness means that you feel something, you feel emotions, you cry, you ache. Depression is a feeling of nothing, losing your ability feel anything. You know that joke your Dad just made was supposed to be funny but you feel nothing, you don't laugh and you don't even have it in you to crack a smile. You want to feel happy for your friend that just got engaged but you just can't bring yourself to feel something.
  • Depression is like trying to run up the down escalator. You make a break for it and try to reach the top, and every few steps it looks like you are making progress but there is always something dragging you back down.
  • Depression is lonely. You can be surrounded by a crowd of people, you could even know that whole crowd of people and unless you trust them (which is such a hard thing to do when you are depressed), you're just lonely, but you can't bring yourself to be trusting and social. It's feeling completely isolated in that big group of people.
  • Depression is dragging around weighted chains- you know like in the older days when criminals would be chained together and weight chained to their legs? That's what it feels like, except instead of carrying around actual lumps of lead your carrying around the weight of your emotions (or lack of). But while those criminals were allowed to limp around, you tell yourself that you need to walk like nothing is wrong.
  • Depression is foggy. You know when its winter and you get up earlier than usual and you can barely see a few meters in front of you because it is just so foggy. That is what it is like to live with depression. You physically need to take it one step at a time because it is so hard to envision a future.
  • Depression is overwhelming and exhausting. You feel tired all the time, but then sometimes you just can't sleep. You might go through phases of sleeping for 16-20 hours a day and then not being able to sleep at all for a few weeks.
  • Depression is not wanting to exist. You don't want to die, mainly because you know the hurt and sadness it would bring to those around you, you just simply don't want to be anymore. Like wishing you had never existed in the first place.
  • Depression is feeling trapped by your own mind. It's kind of like you are waging an internal war and your own mind is out to get you. It's inescapable and there is no exit from your own thoughts.
  • Depression is losing yourself. You lose the identity you once had and you arr replaced with shell of who you once were. You might look the same, sound the same, but you aren't the same person with depression.
  • Depression is not being able to see any solutions. You can identify many issues but you can't seem to find a solution to any of them. Depression takes away your ability to problem solve and leaves you with all these problems that you just can't seem to fix.
  • Depression is the belief that you don't truly matter. You feel like a background actor in your own life- you know one of those people who run around in the background of the diner on Home & Away, eating their muffins but never really doing anything? That is what depression makes you feel like.
If you're reading this right now and nodding along in agreement, thinking that this pretty much explains what you're feeling. Please know that my inbox is always open, slide into my DM's on instagram (@theintrovertarchive), message the Facebook page or even send me an email at 

I hope this helped someone to understand the world of depression a little bit better.