Small Town Drama | How To Stay Away From It

Today's post is probably going to be as unstructured and rant-y as it gets here on TIA, we may even ruffle some feathers but whatcha gonna do about it? I remember posting a little while ago about being "over" people as a collective, about not really being that social anymore and not really having a desire to leave my house (with people, I am fine to leave the house on my own but with people I know is whole new situation) more to do with the exhaustion that comes with being social than anything else I think. If I was able to leave the house and be social and not come home never wanting to leave the house again I would probably do it more often.

So the past week I was overly social- I'm talking leaving the house on Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night to be social with different groups of people. When I say I hadn't socialised with any of these people in a while- I'm saying I hadn't spoken to any of them in a decent few months- I may reply to a text here and there but I don't think I had seen anyone in quite a while, so I was probably overdue for an appearance to remind everyone I still existed.

image from here
So I did the four nights of socialising and am now ready to never leave my house again. The first night of leaving the house: obviously I had done something to piss someone off, God knows when because I haven't talked to or seen anyone in months. Was made to feel like I shouldn't be there with that group, was cut off and ignored constantly and all around just made to feel like shit. Needless to say I avoided certain people once we were in a wider group for the remainder of the night. Night two was actually one that I do every week and that is social netball, we say 'social netball' because we didn't win a game all season so there was no point saying 'competitive netball.' Night three was a 21st for one of the guys that I used to go to school with, was essentially a big group catch up for all of Brodies friends. Cannot deal well with that many people and that many drams.  End of night for Elyssa, I didn't last much longer after that. Night four was my favourite night of all of them- we went out in the city for a friends birthday and not one of the dramas from town came along with us, we had a whole night where we did not have to hear the same shit about what was going on at home, it was a good night.

One thing you have to understand about living in a small town is that once something happens, like a break up or a fight or whatever, there is no way to escape it, as long as you are still in town, and even sometimes when you leave it, you just never stop hearing about it- it happens with everyone and everything that happens. Everyone you know seems to be involved in one way or another- whether they need to be or not. Suddenly everyone has an opinion, everyone wants their side of the story heard and everyone else wants to hear that story because they want to pick a side, just so they feel included and have an answer for when someone brings it up at the local pub. I think we lack things to talk about in small towns because we I've in each others pockets pretty much so when something happens everyone gets excited.
Image from here

I used to be a person who frolicked in drama- as long as I wasn't directly involved, if I could sit from the sidelines like a high school cheerleader- I was all for it. I think that would explain why people still try and involve me now days, because I was that person who had all the information and could help you decide what side you were on. These days I see the tiniest bit of drama brewing and I kit up with a hazchem suit (metaphorically of course) (please refer to side meme for an accurate summary). Literally however, I retreat to my house, don't reply to messages, ignore invites to leave the house ect. I really just cannot deal with other peoples dramas- like my opinion is that I am fairly sure that people can deal with their shit privately- so do it, don't involve the whole town in your shit, it blows everything way out of proportion and we all get sick of hearing about it.

One of the main reasons I stay away from other people (and their drama) is because I just do not have the mental capacity to deal with more than all the stuff I am already dealing with. Obviously if something happened I would be there for the people that I care about, and that is when I stick around because hello you do that for your friends. But when something gets to an escalated level that is beyond a joke for what has actually happened- I am out of there very quickly, I cannot deal with it. Watch me leave the local very quickly as soon as it looks like something is going to happen.

Going back to the whole small town thing- there is distinctive groups in this town (and probably all towns lets be real) but obviously people are not confined to one group and each group that you are apart of soon becomes privy to your life dramas. Soon you have a case where half the bloody town are involved either by choice or by accident and most of the time the people involved by accident are the ones that want out. If it gets to a point where people that don't talk to each other on a normal basis are seriously having conversations about your drama that is when you know it is getting ridiculous.

I am lucky in the sense that both me and my family and Brodie and his family are all quite private people so our shit stays within the family, we never escalate things. Every now and again you get the random person who wants to get all up in your space about your business. The last time it happened I did really let it affect me because it was someone that I had considered a friend and all of a sudden there was stuff being said about me and my relationships and I was like "what the fuck, this is no else business, why are we all so suddenly interested?" And that was the point where I was like yeah okay I just won't be talking to anyone at all about my business- basically if I tell you something I am pretty confident you aren't going to blab to everyone else.

In terms of staying away from drama- it isn't easy, especially in a small town. But there is ways to that you can avoid drama like the plague, especially if it is for the sake of our mental health (or because you just cannot be bothered with everyone's shit anymore). As always, let me pass my wisdom on to you😉

1. Stay away from gossip. Don't even bother with it, if someone is coming towards you with a look on their face like "hell, I am going to ruin their night with second hand gossip that I am not 100% sure is accurate because I heard it after a few wines". Bolt- get out of their, find your nearest exit and use it.

2. If you know that someone is notorious for not being a good secret keeper, for the love of God do not tell them your secrets. Do you want every Tom, Dick and Harry in town, that you see on a regular basis, that you probably serve at your job or run into at the local pub knowing that you had sex with your ex-- again?

3. Keep opinions to yourself. While I am not very good at this- as proven by the fact that I run this blog. I am good at only telling my opinions on certain things (such as how much I cannot deal with someone) to either my Mum, my sisters or Brodie. As learnt, telling to anyone else is very risky and often leaves me in a shitty situation because some people are two faced moles.

4. Let go of grudges. This is another thing I have semi gotten good at, I can let go of a grudge if it is within reason. I have been thinking that everyone month we should all just reset, dwell on something, hate someone, hold a grudge until the end of the month only and then once the month is over, we can all reset and move on with our lives.

5. Stay the hell out of other peoples drama. Why you would want to gt involved in beyond me, to be honest. Unfortunately, there are other people in the world (especially in this town) who immerse themselves in the lives of other people. I could think of nothing worse but each to their own.

6. Learn to hold your tongue. Sober me is pretty damn good at this one, Elyssa after a few vodka lemonades is however, not so good- good thing I rarely get drunk anymore.

There you go- six tips on how to stay away from other peoples shit from someone who really does have it down pat right now- you are welcome!