It's Time To Stop Shaming Women Who Don't Want Kids

In recent months the amount of people asking me “when are you going to pop out a kid” has significantly increased, why? I’ve come up with a few possible answers:

A) I’ve recently turned 21- does that mean I’m supposed to be an actual adult now and do adult things such as have kids?

B) I’ve had a partner for nearly three years. That in itself is quite a feat, but does that mean I now have “cement” the relationship with offspring?

C) As a women I am supposed to follow the expected trajectory set for us by getting married and having babies, because women have clearly only been put on this Earth for the purpose of reproducing.

Here is a photo of my sibilings and I, six of us in total. They are probably also half the reason I am on the fence about having kids- I mean I love them all and probably wouldn't know what to do with out them but as the oldest, God they're annoying. 

Its been reported that in today's day and age women, are now more than ever deciding that they don’t want to be a mother, they don’t want to reproduce. If you want a statistic for that one, how about this one: four out of seven women in the Western world are choosing to remain childless.

There are SO many reasons a women can choose (because hey, we do have a right to choose if we want to carry a baby for nine months and then spend a lifetime trying to keep it alive) to live out their days sans children. I am at the point (remember I am only 21) where I am 100% not sure if I want to have kids or not, ideally if I were going to have children it would not be any time soon. I know that I have many reasons for not having children, so that means the women who truly never want them have theirs too.

Here you go, here is some reasons that make me think “Fuck, do I actually want children?”

1. Pregnancy to begin with. I am not on board with the whole carrying a child for nine months (and the rest of the shit that come with said carrying child for nine months). This is VERY superficial and narcissistic of me but truly I don’t want to gain the weight, its taking me this long to accept myself at my current size, I could not imagine myself walking around looking like I’ve stuck a basketball up my shirt. Also I am a moody bitch as it is, I would feel sorry for anyone around me, I would basically be on my period (but not obviously) 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

2. I am not very good at sharing. Period. I am terrible at sharing, seriously anything. I wouldn’t want to share my bed with a child (bad enough sharing with Brodie), I wouldn’t want to share my food, or anything, literally nothing.

3. I have stuff to do that I just don’t think I could do with a child in tow. Look I have big life plans, I want to travel and see the world and be a successful business woman who doesn’t need to rely on a man. That has always been the plan from day dot. I see all these successful business women like Emma Issac's, who have children and manage t run hugely successful business- and I think could I do that? Probably not.

4. Would I ever leave the house? I see all these parents that I hang out with and sure they make it work, they have children and still seem to be able to organise themselves to a point that they can come out to events and catch ups. As it is, I need at least a days’ notice before I leave the house, add kids and that would need to be a weeks’ notice at the very least.

5. My mental health. Here is a story for you: I once sat in a group of primarily mothers, they were all chatting about post-partum depression and how most of them had really struggled with their mental health after having kids. I was sat their with a blank face thinking about the fact that I hadn’t even had kids yet and I was already struggling with my mental health. Wouldn’t having kids just send me back down the rabbit hole of depression? Would it be fair to have children knowing fully well I was already struggling with my own mind? Another fear is, what if I pass my mental health conditions on to my offspring? What if I bring a child into the world only for him/her/whatever to have to struggle with the same mental health demons that I struggle with. I would never want to wish that on anyone, let alone on my own child.

6. Money. Babies are expensive, duh. Currently Brodie and I like to spend money, we save obviously, and we’re both paying off loans, but we also like to have the newest stuff, we like to spend money on things that we probably don’t need but do it anyway. We like to spend money on ourselves. Having kids would mean that the money we like spending on ourselves would have to be re-directed to other necessities.

When people ask me how far off kids are, often I just awkwardly laugh and stutter a “a long way off” kid of response- why? Because I have seen the reaction that some women get when they flat out say that they don’t want kids. What reaction would I get if I said “Oh, I am not entirely sure if I am going to ruin my vagina by pushing out a watermelon sized baby.” People, and I hate to say it- especially women, get very judgmental when a woman says she doesn’t want to have kids- why? Why can we not just let a woman decide about her own body and life? Why can we not just let her decide that she doesn’t want to bring children into this (already over-populated and scary) world?

Next time you go to ask a woman when she’s having babies, it might pay to be prepared for her to answer with “never”. This is the world we live in now, where women are allowed to not want to follow the expected norms and not be any less respected for it. Deciding to not have babies doesn’t make you selfish or shallow, it makes you a woman who has decided about her own future.

As for me, I am now truly hoping that just because I am putting this post out into the universe God isn’t going to pull a funny one and in four months, I will be announcing a pregnancy, I will be pissed to say the least. While I am on the fence now about having babies, who is to say that in three or four years I might just fall to one side of the fence and decide that hey I am ready to have kids, or I might fall to the other side of the fence and decide that I, in fact was not put on this Earth to be a mother.