Bachelor In Paradise Just Showed Us Some Major Relationship Red Flags

Alright- who watched Bachelor In Paradise and had their eyes completely widen this week at the behavior of contest Ivan? *Raises hand slowly*

I know that reality TV, especially Aussie reality TV is not for everyone, so let me give you a quick recap for those who may not have seen it. Contestant Ivan has quite a large crush on contestant Tenille and from the get-go has been quite full on about it: behavior includes referring to Tenille as his "territory to be marked", telling another contestant to be afraid when he was given a date card and dared to consider taking Tenille, waiting in her room, in the dark and very quiet while she was in the bathroom- the list could go on. 

The point is this: possessive relationships, even ones that aren't fully fledged relationships are dangerous and we need to know what to the red flags are- how do you recognize if someone you know is in a possessive relationship? How do you know if you are in one yourself? There is a very fine line between having a protective partner and having a possessive one- once that line has been crossed it can become very hard to re-enter the other side. 

At first, it may seem adorable or cute that your partner is possessive, but it can become a real issue in the relationship if you let it continue. Don't leave this to become smothering, dangerous even.

I present to you tonight- signs of a possessive relationship that could help you to identify said relationship within yourself or within someone you are close too:
  • You have to do what they ask of you- and if you don't you are met with a whole lot of nagging, whining, and sometimes even threatening behavior.
  • You need their permission for everything- to go out with a friend, work drinks, do some shopping. They micromanage you and your life- from what you wear on a night out to what bar you end up at.
  • When you bring up their possessive behavior they say they do it "because I love you" and then proceed to make you feel bad for bringing it up.
  • They have to be involved in any all decisions you make, and cannot seem to accept if you make a decision they don't agree with or doesn't suit them.
  • They go beyond "keeping an eye" on you and enter into "stalking" territory. This can include logging into your social media to check up on you, reading your text messages, showing up to where you are unexpected.
  • Acts like you are completely incapable of living a life that doesn't include them, doesn't want you to experience anything new without them being right there beside you.
  • Has an over the top temper over the smallest of issues or inconveniences, especially if it has any relation to another person that you could have an interest in.
  • Likes to be in the know about anything and everything going on in your life, and if you seem to be withholding information they sulk and make you feel bad until you tell them.
  • They want to know all your passwords- you Facebook, your phone, your emails, they want to know it all and be able to access it whenever they like. Will coerce and threaten you until they get the information they desire.
  • Expects you to be at their beck and call as soon as they call. You see their name flash up on your phone? They want that answered then and there, too busy to answer their phone calls is not an option.
  • Takes any opportunity possible to ridicule your friends, especially if they let you down. Tries to get you to think that they are the only person you can trust, to isolate you from your friends.
  • Does not know what personal space is and does not appreciate you trying to take some.
  • They make it seem like their world revolves around you and wants you to behave the same way with them. Continually brings this up and makes you feel bad for not showing the same amount of dedication as them.
  • They are a stage five clinger- they tag along to everything. Going out with your Mum, they're coming. Going out with your work buddies, oh look there they are by the bar with a drink in hand waiting for you. Going out with your best friend? They are right by your side.
  • Will make you feel guilty if you have any kind of fun without them- God forbid. 

This list is in no way conclusive and there are so many different behaviors that could indicate a possessive relationship- for you or for someone close to you. The first step is always to identify and hopefully, these can help you out with that one.

As for BIP- Ivan needs to chill the heck out, Tenille needs to explore her options and I am in LOVE with Nathan, so yep. 

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