4 Things I Am Struggling With and What I Am Going To Do About It

A personal one- we haven't had one of these in a while, have we? I think some times I forget what this blog was originally- it was about being open about my mental health struggles. I wanted to be open so people knew they weren't the only ones feeling this way, to start a conversation about mental health, to play a role in reducing the mental health stigma, and for myself.

For myself in the sense that writing it all out on a page in front of me was therapeutic. It was a way for me to look at my thoughts and then organize them like once they were out in the open I had more control over them. It was a method of decompressing.

Somewhere along the way, I lost that, I stopped sharing my inner thoughts and emotions because I thought there was no point to it anymore. I was more interested in writing about real life issues, I wanted to speak about the things that really are important- and not just to me.

With the beginning of a new month (wtf it's freaking June already!!!!), I revised my goals and I agreed with myself, I want to be more open. I want to be completely honest about the fact that right now, I am not okay. I am struggling. Once upon a time, I wouldn't have thought twice about posting about my current struggles- I am not sure if it was some of the mean messages I would get, if I have changed as a person, I'm just not sure.

For right now, I want to be open about what I am going through because that is what TIA is all about isn't it. It's about being honest, it's about not playing into the "we shouldn't talk about mental health" act, it's about letting people know that what they are going through- they are not alone.

Here goes nothing. (Please note my thoughts were NOT this organized when they came out of my head, the magic of editing).

I am struggling with... eating. 
Binge eating specifically. I am writing an actual post about binge eating because it is such an important topic and something that deserves to be talked about in its own post. Right now I am stuck in a vicious cycle of eating normally throughout the day and then binging after dinner. I don't know how to stop. I've tried eating more during the day. I've tried swapping my meal times. I've tried eating a bigger dinner. I'm not hungry when I binge and I think the problem is more emotional than it is physical. I get the end of the day, I am tired, I'm emotional and I want to eat my feelings- so I do.

What am I going to do about it?
I am taking action with this one, I've signed up to a three-hour workshop that goes through everything to do with emotional binge eating. I try to solve my issues myself, but with this one- I know I need to arm myself with all the knowledge possible in order to come out the other side with a solution.

I am struggling with... my anxiety
Here is a story time for you: yesterday I was driving along and all of a sudden the car in front of my lost its spare wheel from underneath the car and I came VERY close to having to deal with the insurance company again. You can imagine, seven months after crashing my car into a tree what would have happened with my anxiety. Hint: it involved many tears and a sore chest.
I've been panicking a lot lately, over anything and everything. My chest seems to be constantly hurting and I am sick of it.

What am I going to do about it?
It is time for me to stop busying myself in an effort to ignore the rising anxiety in my chest. I need to stop trying to ignore that anxiety- it is time to figure out the root causes and deal with what I am feeling. Why am I waking up feeling like I've spent the last four hours panicking? Why am I trying to ignore my anxiety when I know I have the tools to deal with it? I am not too busy to be feeling and I know that. I am going to take the time to get to the root cause, to work out my feelings and why I am feeling them.

I am struggling with... feeling overwhelmed. 
In the attempt to ignore and bury my anxiety I have piled a million and one things on top of my already full plate. It is well and truly a constant cycle of starting the week optimistic that I am fine and that I haven't got TOO many things going on, that I am going to get everything done by the end of the week. Come Friday night the forecast usually looks to be like I am going to end up in tears because I am so overwhelmed and my to-do list is growing more than it's getting shorter.

What am I going to do about it?

  • Stop saying yes to things when I know I physically cannot keep adding to my to-do list. 
  • Enter everything and anything into my to-do list app so that I have a clear idea of what I need to do and when I need to be doing it. 
  • Recognize that I am feeling overwhelmed and know that it is time to step back and re-evaluate my current surroundings. 
I am struggling with... my body image. 
Do you know what happens when people start making unwelcome comments about your weight? At first, I was fine with people telling me I was "too skinny", that I had "lost too much weight", it didn't phase me that much. Really, I am not sure why it started bothering me, or when it started to affect me- but at some point it did. I stopped feeling confident in myself, I stopped feeling like I was strong and that I was looking healthy. I started scrutinising every single aspect of myself- were my arms too skinny? Why are my boobs smaller than my stomach? Why do I not have an arse anymore? 

What am I going to do about it?
I am trying to accept myself again. Before I started letting peoples comments penetrate my thoughts I was truly feeling the most confident I had felt in a very long time. I was feeling like I was well on my way to being the strongest version of myself possible. I was so fucking happy with my body and its abilities. I am determined to get back to that person. I am going to look the way I want to look and I am going to be in love with it. I am going to be the strongest version of myself. I am going to be so damn happy and healthy, exactly the way I am. 

I think I am already starting to feel slightly less cluttered just by laying it all out in front of me (and you). I feel like this is the best way for me to look at my action plan and know that this, all of it, is achievable and I can come out the other side again. 

Know that if you are feeling the same way that I am currently, it will get better, you will find that light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone and you will not ever be alone in your mental health journey. 

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