You know those people who can lie really REALLY well, and if they needed to lie in say, a murder trial- they would be able to pull it off successfully? Wouldn't flinch, wouldn't second guess it, would have everyone around them fooled entirely? I am not one of those people, in the slightest. I could not lie to save myself in a life or death situation. Like, I am not saying its a great skill to have, but it would save me every now and again. I either lie and then feel bad and admit the truth quite quickly, or I lie and make it really obvious that I have lied through my body language, I cannot control it. Either way, don't ask me to lie for you, cause I can't do it well.
The easiest person, I have found, to be able to lie to is myself, because I know I am lying but I can get away with pretending that I am not. Like, someone is not going to call me out on it and I don't have more of a reason to feel bad. So today, I want to talk you through ten lies I have told myself and can now admit too- it's a fun one.
- That time I told myself full-on bangs looked fine on me.
Hint: they did not and I HATE looking back at photos of me with a complete fringe. Sadly for me, I took that misguided leap right before my 21st birthday party- so there is enormous amounts of evidence of my hair fail, unfortunately. Next time I say I want a fringe someone shoot me please.. or just remind me of the photos.
- "I will only watch one more episode of *whatever my current TV obsession is* and then I'll start my work"
My biggest weakness is the fact that I can procrastinate like an absolute champion, if there was an award for the biggest procrastinator, I would be right up there as a contender. Far too often I break up a study period or work with an episode of my favorite Netflix offering, promising myself that one episode will allow me a break and then I can reset and get right back into more work. It never quite pans out like this, unfortunately.
- We are not having any takeout this week.
This is usually me on Sunday after a weekend of a little bit too much indulging- promising a week of health and tranquillity- meat and three veg every night this week come at me. Cue Thursday night after I've had a shitty arse day and the thought of cooking makes me want to tear my eyeballs out. The only solution is chicken nuggets.. right? And chicken nuggets do not taste the same coming from your own oven.
- "It's going to be a quiet night out, just a couple of drinks at the local."
How is it that when I say I want to have a calm, relaxed night it turns into the complete opposite and when I am READY for a big night it turns out a dud and I'm home in bed by 9pm? Sometimes (cough) on a Thursday night I will say to my sister "let's just go have a few drinks and be home by ten, I don't want to have a big night" we end up being there until close and both have to support each other out the door, usually on the way to an after-drinks thing at someone elses house.
- Every time I buy a pair of expensive heels and tell myself that of course, I am not going to want to take them off as soon as I leave the house.
They're soooooo comfortable, no my feet don't feel like they're walking through a firey pit of hell what do you mean? beauty is a pain, isn't it? Can stores please start making shoes that look incredible but also have the comfort level of say... ugg boots?
- "I am a GREAT driver"
Look I could say that until I am blue in the face and my boyfriend and several friends would raise their eyebrows and scoff because sometimes I really just don't see those curbs on the side of the road and think I am further away than I really am, you know what I mean? No, just me? That's fine.
- I CAN have just one row of coconut rough chocolate block and stop there.
I try- I really, really try to stop at one row of it, but how can you get a taste and then deny yourself the rest of the block? On that note, if anyone knows how to ban yourself from the chocolate aisle of the local supermarket that would be insane.
Tell me below the last lie you told yourself!