Don’t get me wrong, I am SO grateful to be carrying a baby, to even be able to have a baby, but I do not like being pregnant. It makes me feel selfish to admit it because I know there are so many women in the world struggling with infertility and wishing they could see the two lines show up on that pregnancy test.
I struggled with a lot of guilt to begin with because I knew I was not enjoying this pregnancy like I thought I should be. I thought I should be glowing and happy and just enjoying this first pregnancy. I felt guilty like maybe I didn’t deserve to have a baby if I wasn’t going to enjoy being pregnant with him. I knew there were women who would give anything to be in my position. My mental health was taking a toll because of this guilt.
The guilt was piled higher when I was beginning to tell people I was pregnant and women were saying things like “oh you’re going to love this time!” and “being pregnant is wonderful!” Why was I seemingly the only woman who was not enjoying being pregnant? Was there something wrong with me? Was it my mental illness rearing its ugly head for the millionth time in my life?
I would just smile and pretend that I was loving this time in my life, but I realised- why should I have to pretend? I am sure there are many women out there who have not loved being pregnant but they have pretended to for fear of being judged or perceived as ungrateful and selfish.
So, I am here to say: you are allowed to be grateful for your pregnancy BUT hate being pregnant.
I guess you want to know why I am not that big of a fan of being pregnant, not that I need to justify myself- but in the name of honesty let's do this.
I feel so unhealthy. I can barely eat anything nutritious, vegetables, fruit, meat- I can barely stomach it. On top of that I miss being able to smash out the reps in the gym. I feel flat because I feel unhealthy.
I am not a big fan of my pregnant body and find myself constantly picking myself apart. I try to notice the negative self talk before I get in too deep but sometimes I just want to cry because I miss my pre-pregnancy body.
I have never visited the bathroom so many times in a day in my life. This is only made worse when I have to drive two hours to the city for all my baby appointments, I have started having to factor in toilet stops as to which way I drive. Also, this has highlighted to me that some towns need to step up their public bathroom cleaning game.
Night sweats. Why was this something that was never mentioned? I wake up two-three times per night drenched in sweat. It's bloody freezing in my house and yet I am waking up in a pool of my own sweat. Not loving it.
I miss being able to see my own vagina but have a deep appreciation for my waxer who keeps her in tip-top shape… even if I can’t see it.
While on the topic of vaginas, other things I was not made aware of until it started happening… lightning crotch. What the fuck. Is this preparation for pushing the baby out in short increments?
Baby kicks are exciting at first, and continue to be reassuring throughout the pregnancy but man, why do they choose to be the most active when you’re trying to relax and/or sleep? Tell me.
Again, let me stress to you that I am SO grateful to be pregnant, I am super excited to have the baby, but I just cannot love being pregnant as much as I want to. Ladies, I know you're out there, let me know in the comments what your least favourite thing about being pregnant has been!