I Made It To 25…
Yesterday I turned 25.
If you are some who also shares a severe mental illness you will understand me when I say that reaching another year older is an achievement. One that, sometimes you just don’t know if you will reach.
I can tell you, that when I have been in the depths of my mental illness I have often wondered, will I even see 25? Or will I lose this fight and this mental illness will take over my body?
I know that typically people use birthdays as a chance to reflect on what lessons they have learned, I love reading those types of articles. But, I thought this year I would just spill 25 random things- they might be lessons I have learned, they might be achievements from the past quarter of a century. Honestly, I am just typing as I think, they could be anything.
Perhaps you’ll take something from this article, perhaps you won’t. But, this is more of a personal one that maybe I will look back on next year, or the year after that.
You are never too old to be diagnosed with a new mental illness.
I spent ages 16 - 24 continually being told that it was “just” depression, and “just” anxiety, there was never really anyone who looked deeper than that. Putting that blanket term over things just satisfied enough people to be left alone. It has only been in the last year that I have someone who has said “no, let’s look further.” My diagnosis is now: persistant depressive disorder, generalised anxiety, borderline personality disorder and ADHD. \
2. If you aren’t passionate about it, let it go.
I’ve had to be tough on this one recently. As a person who HATES letting other people down I say yes to many things that I shouldn’t. I add things onto my already highly stacked plate, that just don’t fit my passions and interests. I am working on saying no, on really being intune with what I love, what I am passionate about and leaving space for those things instead of filling it with things that don’t fufill me.
3. You need to keep improving and evolving.
Sometimes I get stuck in my ways, I don’t like change and I just can’t move forward. I have really started to make more of an effort to make progress, to continually strive for better. It’s uncomfortable as fuck, but it’s needed to make growth.
4. You are allowed to take a break.
Of course, as someone with ADHD it is hard to sit there and do nothing, to not be productive. As we speak I am writing this and watching Real Housewives of Melbourne, because nothing can be done without a little bit of background noise, right? But, I have come to realise that having a break is necessary, taking the time to reset and adjust, to let yourself breathe. Since having Cody, I have needed that break more, I am always on. If I am not doing work then I am doing housework, running around after someone else, just always doing something. And this is while ALWAYS being a Mum. That shit is hard and a break is warranted.
5. Being a parent is fucking hard. But it’s always rewarding as fuck.
I knew that having a child was going to be hard, chucking in a couple of mental illnesses and its not any easier. At the same time as its a huge fucking struggle, it’s also the best thing I have ever done. Sometimes I just stare at Cody and wonder what I actually did without him (drank more, that’s for sure haha).
6. Do things to make you feel good.
Get your hair done (by a professional, stay away from the box dye), get fillers in your face, get your nails done, get tattoos, get piercings. And don’t give a flying fuck what people have to say about it. As long as you’re doing it for YOU and no one else, do it.
7. Don’t be afraid to get help.
When I thought of this one it was more about professionally. I was always someone who couldn’t let people help her with business, I always had to work it out for myself. This year, I’ve accepted help and I have never been more grateful for it. I invested in a business coach and I found direction and guidance from her. I invest in accountants and I didn’t have to stress at tax time. Letting help in was hard, but it was worth it.
8. Bluey is the superior childrens show.
I used to hear people talk about how good Bluey was but since Cody has been more interested in things like this, I fucking love Bluey- and so does he. I mean, what other cartoon does a State of Origin episode?
9. Your house does not have to be spotless all the time.
There are more important tasks to get done than worrying about a little bit of clutter on your kitchen table. I used to always want my house to look like no one lived in it. But, what is the point? People DO live in this house, we make memories here, we have fun here, it may as well look like we do and not look like a display home.
10. For my last point, I just want to re-cap some of the things I’ve done over the past few years. I want this point to be a reminder that good things are happening.
You made a small human (well he’s small at the moment). Your body went through SO many changes over nine months and you got a baby out of it. You now get to watch that little boy grow up and become the person he was supposed to be.
You’re helping people. You’ve started a business to help businesses, you’ve got a community project to help small businesses, you’ve got a media platform to help women stay informed and help people talk about their mental health. You want to help people and YOU are.
You’ve found a life partner who loves you. You got engaged, you’ll (eventually) get married. You’re both making a life for your family.
You’re still here. You struggle but you keep going. You continue to work on your mental health and help others do the same. You’re still fighting.
It doesn’t have to be your birthday for you to reflect on these things. In fact, do it now, put it on your to-do list. You don’t have to share it with anyone, just take a couple of minutes and write down a couple of things that you’ve achieved, or that you’ve learnt. Add to that list every now and again. Read it over sometimes and remind yourself that you are still going, you’re still learning, you’re still growing and you’re still here.
